Yes, I changed my hair color to the color or her hair. I became like her in order for her to thoroughly understand just how much I was "for" her. I surrendered my identity to show how much I believe in her.
My Succulent, Silent Secret
As silent as a sleeping boa, I slide my secret into the bathroom drawer. I am deliriously ashappy as a child with a secret stash of candy. Every time I think about my secret, my heart dances and twirls. My secret is not wrong or sinful. In fact, it's honestly kind of silly. It is just that I don't want to share it with anyone. So, it is just my sweet secret for now.
Forever Scarred and Forever Changed!
Arriving at the event, we slide out of the carriage and slowly walk into the building. I'm slightly annoyed that I feel so fragile and not sure why. I seem to have a magnified awareness of my soul's ravenous appetite. I have to wonder if these friendly faces we greet along the way to our seats can see this.
Metal Spears; Boogeyman; and The Veil of Lies
Who remembers thinking the "BOOGEYman" was under your bed as a child? Here's my confession: I would lie in the center of my bed and cocoon all my covers tightly around me because I believed his arms couldn't reach me there.
Insane Courage; False Promises; and A Mustachioed Woman
Sometimes, all I truly need is 20 seconds of insane courage.
Royal Blue Quad; One Small Pebble; and Draft Horse Blinders
Pausing to take in the sweet lasting rays of the afternoon Winter sun, I hear them inviting me to come and partake of the last bits of goodness they are spilling onto this earth as the door to this day gently slides closed.
The Blackness of Darkness; Undiluted Ravenous Desire; and Caustic Consumerism
Shaking the house, like a predator finally catching its prey and shaking the last bit of life from it, the wind pounds on the walls of my home attempting to loosen me from my safe place. It is relentless. It throws water from the sky attempting to penetrate the walls that surround me. It is stubborn. It steals the electricity from my dwelling, disconnecting me from the outside world. It is adamant about its desire to reach me.
Confetti Cannon; Anxiety Snake, and Healing Pain
Delicious excitement cartwheels through me. Like an electric blue bolt awakening the night sky, my brain is instantly awake. Today feels like a monumental day. It feels like a day that should have balloons and bubbles. It feels like someone should shoot off a confetti cannon for me!
Pungent Antiseptic; Qualified Strangers; and Mind Games
Silently dropping my party dress to the floor, I accept the dull, over-sized hospital gown out of his hand. A prickle of worry skitters across my Mr.'s face, like a dragonfly landing on a calm pond, I see the look of concern zip through his eyes. As quickly as it came, it went. Flashing me a quick smile, he recedes to a chair over in the corner and allows the "professionals" to take over.
The Tiny, Secret Confessions of a Chair-Bound Squirrel
I am alone while the Mr. sleeps peacefully in the comfort of our previously shared nest. I continue to lie in this mossy green overstuffed, reclining chair, with my mind now fully awake.
Yellow Roses; Dick and Jane; and "The Covered One"
This bouquet was delivered to me, as a generous gift from my non-traditional student, "The Covered One". She did not deliver it herself, for that would've been too forward in her culture. She asked the office ladies to deliver it.
The Velvet Hammer of Uncertainty; A Violent Hope, and Imaginary Theology
Arriving at the hospital, I am very aware that I am entering in a place with many uncontrollable variables. This is a place where physical life and death are daily occurrences. It is a place where pain precedes healing, and loss often leads to scars.
168 Hour Sabbath; A Crayon Box; and The Landscape ...
Frigidness penetrates the jet's window as my cheek presses against it. Everything inside of me is longing for one last drop of warmth from the Hawaiian sun. My eyes are locked on this tiny piece of land as I am swept up and through the skies, back to my other home. Moments are sliding by as the island becomes more faint in my vision.
144 Hours; My Internal Landscape; and The Gift of a Sabbath
Darkness envelopes this tiny piece of land that I have landed on. Stepping across the rear threshold of this Alaska 737 jet, my feet feel the familiar path down the steps and onto the tarmac of the Kona airport. The day's Winter heat is still radiating up from the volcanic pavement. Even in the darkness, everything here is vibrant, more alive. I feel as if I have just woken up from a long, drug induced sleep.
Risky Affair; Confession; and Soul-Tending
Truth is, I don't want ANYONE to put words to my hurt; my bitterness; or my anger. I prefer to leave them in the dark closet of my heart. I can feel a BIG, dark tremor rising up from the bottom of my feet, like what animals feel before an earthquake. It is telling me to run. Escape. Get away. But, there is no place to escape to. So, we continue to sit on the stools facing each other in awkward silence.
Naked Feet!
Some of you have contacted me and asked if I speak at events. The answer to that is a resounding - YES! I absolutely love to share my stories (the good, the bad, and even the outright hilarious), as well as my life's adventure.
Beautiful Onion; Fish Envy; and a New Friend
Swayed by the heavy half of my job, I walk with stout determination into her office and promptly get to work on the "problem". She quietly stands observing my progress. It is not her, but the problem I am attempting to resolve that is making me cranky. She continues to stand and observe. Stopping, to reach for a tool, I become aware of her quiet, gentle "Small Giantish" gaze. Straightening myself up, I mumble something about being right back and head towards the door.
Little Man, Button Jar, and a Pair of Carhartts
Monday 9:25 AM Eyes the color of melted milk chocolate peered over the counter and stared into the open door of my office. Silent as a dormant tree he stood, planted against the counter. Slipping down off my double-seated, orange, Asian bench, I approach the "Little Man". Time seems suspended as his eyes search my face. Moments are sliding by but he seems unaware.
Revolts; Secret Places; and Whispers
This day, like all 17 school days before it, seems to be filled with issues that I don't have a quick remedy for. They are multi-tiered, and certainly not my forte. My heart is ready to revolt. I have felt this revolt rising for the last 16 school days and now, I'm afraid it is about ready to explode with some very ugly outward signs.
Hooker Shoes; Sequined Slinky Dress; and an Unforgettable Night
As silent as a feather falling from the sky, my feet slide into my beautiful hooker shoes. My body screams, "YOU are a fool! It has been to many years since you walked in these." My heart is set and there is no going back.